I have been asked, “What do I do when I want to kill my partner and call off this wedding?” I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this statement and how many times it never comes to fruition.
My first piece of advice is to take a deep breath. Strong feelings like this happen all the time, so you are not alone. Tensions are going to run high. Some couples can’t handle the pressure they are under and end up lashing out at each other. This planning process is there to test you. You now have a chance to see how you can work with each other and solve problems together. This is a big step. In the span of your dating relationship prior to your engagement, you may have been making decisions together, however now is when things change. Now this is practice for the rest of your lives. After you have taken a few deep breaths, it is time to start thinking. Dig deep and get to the route of your problems. Ask yourself this:
1. Are you feeling neglected or your opinion not being heard?
2. Are you overwhelmed and need support?
3. Are you getting too much support and need your space?
4. Is taking this next step in your life terrifying you?
5. Are you under great stress and pressure?
6. Did you get offended by something your partner did or said?
7. Are you being irrational? Are they?
8. Why are we doing this?
Now all those questions are important, but pay attention to that last one. You need to remember at the beginning of this entire process you were happy enough to agree to do this! What has changed since then? Is the solution to your problems as simple as talking things out? Having an open conversation about everything that is putting you in distress? Is the solution something bigger like taking a break or even calling off the wedding? This is when you need to lean on your partner. Either way I would say a conversation is needed. Take a few hours or a day or two to calm down and get back in a right mindset. You might as well call the whole thing off if you start an attack while seeing nothing but rage. Also remember that couples fight and argue. It is something everyone does. What makes or breaks the situation is how you deal with things afterwards. The best advice I can give is to not immediately shut down and block them out. That will cause more problems. Trust in your relationship and your partnership. It goes a long way.
It is very common for people to threaten to call off the wedding at least once throughout the entire process. Very few turn that threat into reality. Think of things this way, would you rather argue and fight with the love of your life or not have them in your life at all? Not every moment can be roses and rainbows. Sometimes things need to get deep. It is in those moments when you need to realize your relationship is based on something solid. If you are thinking “well that’s great but still doesn’t help” than here are few more tips.
o Confide in someone that will understand your frustrations. This is usually a parent or maid of honor or best man. These people are in your life for a reason and them choosing to be at your wedding means they are accepting the responsibility of making sure you get to that day. Sometimes they can be that voice of reason or clarity you may be missing.
o Sometimes the problems could be as simple as you are spending too much time together. Go for a walk or shopping, to a movie… any sort of activity not wedding related. Do something you enjoy and take a break from your wedding world. Remember the wedding is just one day, after that you still have to like the person! Sometimes a little break does wonders.
o Ask yourself if you are mad at your partner over a bunch of things or just one thing and you are now lumping everything together. Do not let your emotions pop like a shaken up pop can. Express how you are feeling as things come up. Don’t wait until something small happens like they don’t put a dish in the dishwasher to set you off. Volcanoes are not nice and you do not want to be one!
Lead Event Coordinator